


The Reckoning

by Requin



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, the mashed potato ficathon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 12:52:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14545173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Requin/pseuds/Requin
Summary: It's time for Serena to exorcise some demons, with the help of Bernie, her therapist, and unfortunately for him, her ex-husband.





	The Reckoning

**Author's Note:**

> It's Edward's turn! And after re watching all of Serena's scenes, I really, really don't like him and how he treated her.

One year after her return to Holby, six months after Bernie’s plane touched down from Nairobi and five months after the birth of Jason’s daughter, Serena is at her therapist's. 

She goes only once a week now. One hour and thirty minutes to “keep the cogs going” as she calls it. 

She no longer takes anti depressants. 

She is proudest of her anger management. Coping mechanisms have allowed her to calm herself down. She meditates, finds great comfort in stilling her mind. 

Elinor will always be a part of her. So will her grief. But she no longer feels overwhelmed. She can remember her daughter without falling into a dark pit of despair. Some days are worse than others of course, but she’s learned that there is no shame in that. 

She has Bernie. Her rock. The main reason her heart has kept beating. She has Jason and his daughter, a light that shines ever so brightly. 

Peter, her therapist, is younger than her. She likes that is softly spoken but that he won’t let her get away with anything. 

Today is hard because he keeps wanting her to talk about Edward. 

Edward is a sore point. Always has been, and Peter knows it. Not only because of how Serena behaved after Elinor’s death, but also because of everything that came before. 

“And how did you feel when Edward stopped answering your calls?” Peter prods in an even tone. 

“I know now that he was grieving in his way,” Serena answers diplomatically, not willing to be drawn in. 

“He went on holiday, didn’t he?” Peter then asks. 

Serena nods. She shifts in her chair. 

“Yes. I stopped calling after that,” she says evenly, even though her heart is beating faster. 

‘And how do you feel about Edward now?” Peter asks gently, as if Serena is a dangerous wild animal about to attack. 

“I am totally indifferent,” Serena says proudly. 

Peter looks at her from above his glasses. He puts down his pen on his pad. Serena’s breath hitches in her throat. 

“Your hands are balled into fists, Serena,” Peter points out. 

Serena looks down in surprise. Peter is right, and she hadn’t even noticed. She relaxes her grip and puts her hands flat on her thighs. 

“It’s normal to feel resentment. You’ve told me about Edward.”

“I don’t want to feel anything towards him! He doesn’t deserve it,” Serena says a little desperately. 

Peter nods. He uncrosses his legs, leans forward. 

“When’s the last time you saw him?” 

“Elinor’s funeral,” Serena croaks out. 

Her back is sweaty, so are her palms. 

“I think you should talk to him,” Peter says. 

Serena snorts. She shakes her head. Her hands are back into fists before she realises what’s happening. 

“I have no intention of ever seeing him again,” she spits out. 

A familiar, but no longer frequent, flush of anger creeps up from her belly. She automatically breathes in and out slowly and goes a little limp. Peter’s facial expressions do not change and he waits until Serena feels back in control. Serena knows she’s blushing. 

“Closure, Serena. You obviously have unfinished business. It’s all part of the grieving process,” Peter says. 

They wrap up the session lot long after, but Peter’s words stay with her throughout the week. Is Peter right? Doe she need to talk to Edward again to let go of her anger? Isn’t Edward deserving of it? 

 

She mulls all these questions over. At work, at home, until Bernie cracks and asks her what the hell is going on. 

“I think I need to see Edward,” she says quietly. 

Bernie’s mouth opens in shock. They have just finished dinner after a long shift on AAU, and Bernie looks like Serena’s just announced she’s the Tooth Fairy. 

“It’s something Peter’s mentioned. I obviously still feel angry towards him,” Serena explains. 

Bernie snorts and then looks apologetic. 

“Yes, well, we have a lot of history!” Serena says, feeling defensive. 

Bernie holds her hands up, her eyes soft and understanding. She leans over the table to hold Serena’s hand. 

“You do. I’m sorry. Of course you should see him if you think that will help,” Bernie says. 

Serena smiles, something loosening in her chest. 

“I knew you’d understand. Thank you,” she replies. 

Bernie leans forward a bit more and kisses her softly. 

“Anytime, and anything,” Bernie says against her lips. 

 

That night Bernie takes her to bed and makes love to her slowly. 

She takes off Serena’s clothes, kisses every newly revealed bit of skin, and presses her mouth to Serena’s neck, her shoulders, her breasts. Every gesture is reverent and Bernie looks at her like she’s a wonder.

Serena tries to touch her back, to take her into her arms, but Bernie slithers away and looks at her with shining dark eyes. 

“Let me. Let me show you,” she whispers softly against Serena’s bare thigh. 

Serena falls apart under the movements of Bernie’s tongue. She lets herself go, lets the worries of the week fall away, and keens and whimpers when Bernie gently spreads her legs and shows her how much she is truly loved. 

She feels tears rolling down her cheeks, overcome at how gentle Bernie is. Their hands are intertwined on Serena’s hips and Serena uses the leverage to push herself against Bernie’s mouth. It’s so good, so blindingly good, and Serena can’t hold on, she can’t make it last, she comes with a breathless moan. 

Bernie gathers her up in her arms and covers her face with kisses, each one soothing and healing. Each one marks Serena as a person worthy of love, just the way she is. 

 

The first thing Serena thinks when she sees Edward entering the coffee shop, is that he’s aged. It’s not a kind thing to think, but the evidence is hard to ignore. His face is gaunt. He’s lost a lot of weight and he just looks…so old. 

Serena gets up and they share an awkward one armed hug. Edward orders a coffee and they sit down facing each other. 

“You look well,” Edward says after a loaded minute. 

“Thank you. You look…” And Serena can’t finish because she promised herself she wouldn’t lie and the man literally just walked in. 

Edward laughs but there is no humour in it. 

This isn’t really how Serena thought this would go. She’d imagined righteous indignation and shouting, not this awkward pity she feels in the pit of her stomach. 

“Yeah, I know. The years have finally caught up with me,” Edward says, his mouth twisted in a self deprecating grimace, his voice oddly high with false bravado. “Not you, though. You look as beautiful as ever. It’s like nothing’s happened.” 

Oh. There it is. The anger. It feels almost foreign but Serena remembers it well. She draws herself up like a coiled snake ready to strike. And it’s like the years have rolled back and they are squaring each other up for another argument. 

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you? Well, don’t worry, I’m not off to Bermuda. I face my problems head on,” Serena thunders. 

Edward rears back, and he scoffs and there’s a cruel glint in his eyes that Serena knows well. It was there in every fight, usually when the puppy eyes hadn’t worked. 

“Right. You deal with your problems by taking down everyone around you. As long as your precious reputation is safe.” 

The words bite. They hurt. Serena remembers Jasmine. She remembers how she treated Bernie, and Jason. How she lashed out and wounded them. But she is not this person anymore. She’s changed so much in the last couple of years. She leans forward, eyes hard. 

“That might have been me once. Yes, I was ambitious. Yes, I loved my work. Yes, I let things go at home, with my mother, with Elinor, and god knows with you. If I’d been less focused on work, I would have tossed you out years before the divorce,” Serena says low and clear. 

Edward breaks eye contact first. He bows his head. 

“Look, I’m sorry I wasn’t the perfect husband, but…” He starts to say. 

Serena bursts out laughing. The ego on that man, she thinks incredulously. 

“The perfect husband?! You weren’t even a mediocre one! You cheated, repeatedly. You flaunted it at work. You lied about everything. You drank. You humiliated me at home and at my place of work, all the bloody time,” Serena lists, incensed. “I don’t even know why I…”

“Married me? Yeah, why did you then? If I was so terrible?” Edward asks, raising his voice enough that people around turn around. 

“Because I was young. Because you used to be charming. But we are neither of these things now,” Serena spits out. 

She breathes in and out. She remembers Bernie’s kisses and takes comfort from them. 

“And you treated me like I was nothing but a side note. You made me feel small, and like I was not enough. But let me tell you something. I deserved better. I deserved to be loved and supported,” Serena says intently. 

That’s what she’s learned in therapy. She started it all to deal with her grief, but along the way she’s discovered that she is fine the way she is. All her faults, all her baggage. Not lacking, not too much, just exactly right. And Bernie loves all of her. 

There are no barbs about how much she works, about how much she drinks or how she loves a good one liner. Bernie is as dedicated at work, loves a tipple and laughs at all her zings. 

“I did love you, Rena,” Edward whispers, obviously anguished. 

“No, you didn’t. Because you don’t treat someone like you treated me when you love them. You don’t cheat on them. You don’t demean them. You support them. You help them. You’re a team. We were never a team. Edward,” Serena replies. 

She feels the anger leave her, like venom being sucked out. Peter was right, this is therapeutic. She can see Edward for what he really is, what he always was, instead of focusing on what she’s done wrong. He’s a charmer, and manipulative. And, when she strips him down to his bare bones, a pretty terrible person.

“A team. Is that what you have now? With that woman?” Edward asks as a last dig. 

Serena smiles, a warm feeling exploding in her chest. 

“Her name is Bernie. And yes, we have that, and more. She’s kind, and she loves me,” she replies.

It’s so little of what Bernie truly means to her, but Edward doesn’t deserve to hear it. She wants to add a few jabs where she knows it will hurt. Something about how amazing Bernie is in bed, but it’s not worth it. 

She gathers her phone and her bag and stands up, her half empty cup of coffee cold and forgotten on the table. 

“Rena, come on, let’s not leave it like this. Can we see each other again?” Edward asks. 

Serena looks down at him, this old empty shell, and she sees nothing of the 24 year-old she once fell in love with. 

“It’s Serena. And why should we? You’re not a good person, Edward. I don’t like you. I don’t think I’ll ever see you again.” 

And with that Serena leaves, her head held up high and her heart much lighter.

She’ll have to thank Peter. 

She doesn’t look back.


End file.
